Perfection

Throughout the years, I've always searched for perfection. In everything.

The perfect grades. The perfect job. The perfect husband. The perfect shoes. The perfect house. The perfect hair. The perfect meal. The perfect kids. Being the perfect wife, mother, friend. You get it...

Let me tell you something. Perfection is tiring.... And unattainable.

I burn dinner. I yell at my kids. I don't give my husband the respect he deserves. I forget to return calls (sorry, AJ- I love you, girl!) The perfect house gets messy. The perfect shoes pinch my toes. And I live in Oklahoma (Tornado Alley) so perfect hair is a pipe dream!

The thing is, I have beaten myself up too many times for not attaining perfection. Guilt is a horrible thing - especially unwarranted, self-inflicted guilt. Why do I do it? My amazing hubby thinks I'm perfect in every way ( have I mentioned he's a keeper?). My kids think I'm perfect, even when I yell. (In fact, Princess even told me "You're the bestest Mom even though you're mean to me.)

I have learned am learning to let go of my expectations for myself and focus on God's expectations for me. When I fail (as I do often), the devil comes in and tells me I'll never be good enough. But, God thinks I'm good enough. He promises He will be with me wherever He sends me- whether that's the kitchen or the Congo. I need to TRUST that promise! Rely on His strength.

I guess what I'm saying is that I should stop looking for perfection- I've already found it... I am made perfect in Him. Because Jesus died for me, I am covered with HIS perfection.

When my hair doesn't live up to my expectations, I tell myself...
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:14.

When my house isn't the biggest or newest, I tell myself... "...for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11.

When I find myself yelling at my kids AGAIN and thinking I will never change, I remind myself... His mercies "...are new every morning:great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:23.

I know I'm not perfect, but I do the best I can. And I know that God's not finished with me yet... "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" Philippians 1:6.

So if you're like me, and beat yourself up when things aren't perfect, just remember that you aren't alone. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again- and it's OK to ask for help... "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally..." James 1:5.

Let me know if you are struggling, too. I would be happy to share your burdens and pray for you.

Love you all,

Rulissa

Going Through the Motions

This year, I set a goal for myself to become more "intentional" with my life. I felt like I was barely scratching the surface with my husband, my kids, my family, my friends and my God. And I was NOT okay with any of that. I don't want to be a surface dweller. I want to dig down deep, make memories and become closer to the people I have chosen to include in my life.

This plan worked well- for a little while. I prayed for opportunities to be revealed and for the heart to carry them out. I joined Project 365. (You can see all those posts here.) The thing is, being intentional is hard. And sometimes exhausting. But it is SOOO worth it.

Then Spring rolled around. And life got busier. And don't think I'm complaining, because I'm not! I love my life... And I know everyone is busy... It's just that when life gets busier, it's easier to let things slide- like being intentional. When I'm tired, it's easy to say, "Just go watch TV, we'll sew later," or let the boys play their iPods on the way to school instead of talking about their days. But does that do anyone any good? I'll answer that for you... NO. It doesn't.

I recently read a blog post from Hand Free Mama that made me cry and think and cry again. Just because I am with my kids, that doesn't make a memory. Watching TV in the same room IS NOT the same thing as spending time with my family. Going to church IS NOT the same thing as living for God.

I don't want to just go through the motions in life. I want to love and laugh and cry and dance for joy and make memories and KNOW that God is using me for His purpose.

So, even if I'm tired...or busy...it's up to me. As Ferris Bueller said so eloquently, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

What have you been missing lately? What are some ways you dig deeper?

Love you all,

Rulissa

Thankful Thursday

A blogger I follow is experiencing some new & unexpected health problems. She has a constant ringing in her ears caused by some nerve damage that will most likely be permanent. This got me thinking of things that I take for granted on a daily basis. So, I'm linking up with There's Just One Mommy today to share with you some things I'm thankful for... (not a complete list and in no particular order!)

1. I'm thankful for the faith we have that allows me to stay home with our monkeys.

2. I'm thankful for my new pillow that supports my neck and head just right!

3. I'm thankful for my bible so I can delve deeper into God's will for my life.

4. I'm thankful for the ice cold coke my amazing hubby bought me on his way home from work last night.

5. I'm thankful for my friend who took the time to help me sort out monkey boy's school issues. Thanks, Anna!! You're a peach!

Now, there are tons more things (spiritual & temporal) that I am thankful for, so I think I will continue this series for awhile!!!

Feel free to leave me a note- what are you thankful for?

Love you all,

Rulissa

A Slave for Chocolate

There is a song on Christian radio by Matthew West called "My Own Little World".  This is how it starts...

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I've never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me

and this is how it ends...

What if there's a bigger picture
what if I'm missing out
What if there's a greater purpose
I could be living right now
outside my own little world
Start to break my heart for what breaks Yours
give me open hands and open doors
put Your light in my eyes and let me see
that my own little world is not about me

Did you notice the line..."start to break my heart for what breaks Yours..."?  Remember that line...

I LOOOOOOOVE chocolate.  (Especially milk chocolate, even though I know the dark is better for me!)

You can ask anyone - I can eat my weight in chocolate...but then I'd weigh twice as much so I don't actually do that.  And Valentine's day is right around the corner so all the stores' shelves are full of chocolate.

I recently read a blog post here that broke my heart and then did some research on my own.  Every website I visited left me more and more broken.

Did you know that most of the world's chocolate is grown along the Ivory Coast in Africa?  Did you know that many of those cocoa plantations use slave labor?  And, worse than that... what can be worse, you ask?  

Child slave labor.    

The CNN Freedom Project just completed a series called "Chocolate's Child Slaves."  It was eye-opening and heart breaking.  Did you know that the world's biggest chocolate producers have known about this issue for over a decade?  They signed Harkin Engel protocol that promised to end the practice...but they haven't done anything to actually end it.  This latest spotlight on the issue did prompt Hershey to pledge $10 million to improve West African cocoa farming and fight child labor, but what about everyone else?  And what can we do?  I do know that I will never look at a box of Milk Duds the same.

The above picture is of a "Divine" candy bar.  It is certified "Fair Trade."  This is one way I can make sure my family is taking a stand.  It is harder to find and is about 2x as expensive.  The above bar cost me $1.50 at an all natural food store.  But in my eyes, it is worth it.

The Freedom Project told a story of a 10 year old boy who had been working in the cocoa fields for 3 years.  He doesn't know where his parents are, he doesn't have a warm bed to sleep in, he doesn't have a change of clothes and he has never even tasted chocolate.  I see my 7-year-old's face on that little boy.  I can't go back to the way it was...I can't unlearn this information.

So, before you go shopping for Valentine's Day, think about that chocolate.  Will you unlearn what you know now, or will you make a change for good?

Love you all,

Rulissa